Layers

I decided that taking today off from work was the best choice for me. It was two years ago when friends, students, and I were in the thick of harm and violence. I noticed yesterday that I started to become extremely short and easily frustrated by my students. Let me tell you, it takes an incredible amount of inactivity to make me tense. That's right. I do my best when trying to reign things in and keeping a good flow going, but when there's nothing happening - well - that's when I get frustrated. Yesterday was normal. Totally normal, so I knew it didn't make sense that I was reacting to my students with such hostile tones and looks. They were confused, and so was I.

It comes down to that it's hard to be far away from anyone who understands anything about not only March 21st or the year that followed.

I'm warmed to read others' blogs about how they are working towards better things with the students I miss so terribly much. And I know that this place is better for me, and I can feel a totally different me since I can be an effective educator despite the fact that I'm teaching in a much larger school, with larger stereotypical problems of an urban school. This year has been a year of shedding triggers and pain. I'm finding there's been some callousing, but that's okay with me.

An incredible thing happened today. NPR ran a story on one of my students. They showcased him in a true light. They captured him spot on. It's so funny that on this day two years ago, a media nightmare was born. Ironic how today I'm involved in a story that breeds opportunity for my gem kiddo as opposed to more emotional pain from lies, morbid images, chaos, and money-making schemes and stories.

I've decided that I'm going to make a concerted effort to grow into myself. I've left something I know, something sour, something I loved, and I'm fine. Fine is boring. Let's try something rejuvenating out. How about another date, guitar lessons, Scout's puppy kindergarten classes, or the Bahamas for the hell of it.

Done.