Preparing for Distance
Next year I'll be out East. It'll be unlikely that I'll get to fly home for trivial holidays like Easter, so I soaked up the strange nature of my family this weekend. So Easter...My family's not so Christian. But we are competitive and spend hours upon hours playing all kinds of games on Christian holidays and European invasion/genocide holidays. This holiday, we played the Amazing Easter Egg Race. Hell Yeah. I was pumped. Who wouldn't love tearing up roads, solving riddles, spending time with the last grandparent left in your family, and kicking some major ass? We had to take pictures of us completing each task in order to prove it was done since we are all too competitive therefore untrustworthy of each other's teams. I'd post pictures for each highlight, but I don't care to spend that much time on this post.
Highlights From the Race:
- Bottoming out my sisters car on a gravel road going over 60 mph
- My grandpa's mouth bleeding because he ate Easter eggs too fast at one challenge and started to choke - in the future he'll not bite his tongue when under a deadline. Blood literally was dripping from the sides of his mouth.
- Kissing wooden bear statues
- Trying to pay off Caribou workers to let us budge in line to get our next clue
- Running through a Holiday gas station freaking out the patrons asking if they had a clue, only to find out it was hidden under a thirty foot statue of chicken we had to hug
- Cleaning up dog poop in my grandpa's yard as part of a challenge, which my sister (below) intelligently decided to dump out the bucket of poop that other people scooped and we re-scooped and re-bucketed. Hey, the clue just said to scoop poop and didn't say we had to find a fresh pile. No penalty. Saved us precious time.
- Digging in planters at McDonald's
- Arriving to my grandma's tombstone to find the tradition she started resting on her plot: the poop egg (as kids we usually fucked up one egg while coloring and it turned out looking like a turd - whoever found the poop egg won a small prize like quarters)
- Watching my grandpa spill an entire cup of coffee on my sister's front seat after she had it professionally cleaned; then I didn't hold a potted plant in the back seat, which resulted in potting soil all over her tan interior
- Riding children's rides outside of grocery stores
- Realizing my grandpa's sunglasses are ladies sunglasses
- Hitting a bucket of golfballs in 20 seconds at a driving range
- Being told that we were in last place and going to lose by a clerk only to win the entire race.
Nice! I was busy writing Orwell paper. Too busy to have fun. School blows.
Posted by
Jonathan |
10:04 AM